The New Me: Kaye’s Journey Outline and Script What is the essence of being a woman? How does a woman find her true self through years of dealing with life’s tribulations and achievements – at times sacrificing herself for the good of others, such as family and friends? Join me in my journey of self-discovery. A passage that highlights my achievements that I’ve never thought possible. Feel my descent to the depths of sorrow, grief and guilt. And experience my redemption and transformation through a gift that has given my family so much joy and fulfillment. My name is Kaye Langit – Luistro, and this is my journey into the new me. Childhood Days and Dreams At Grade 2, I already knew what I wanted. I wanted to be in media and to graduate from UP Diliman. A few months after college, I found out that 98.7 DZFE-The Master’s Touch was recruiting new announcers. Since I already was an avid listener, I rushed into this opportunity and thankful that I got accepted. It was one of the best moments in my life! Ruth Dizon Her stay at 98.7 DZFE-The Master’s Touch brought out the extrovert – some say, the “kikay” in her. She knew then that she would soon be working with media people we only admired from a distance. From hosting award-winning radio programs to the overseas seminars in Japan where I learned about Japanese broadcasting and tobeyaki pottery, I felt then that I was molding the very clay of my media career in my hands. Career Opportunities My 15-year media profession included television news-casting, TV news reporting, magazine writing, voice acting in TV and radio commercials and radio announcing. Ruth Dizon One of her most cherished awards was her back to back win in the 1997 and 1998 KBP Golden Dove Awards as the writer and radio host of Concert Hall aired on 98.7 DZFE, The Master's Touch. On TV, Kaye’s feature stories have been aired on Studio 23’s News Central. She also enjoyed being a co-anchor of the early morning newscast Balita Alas Singko ng Umaga on ABS-CBN Channel 2. Something Was Missing Despite the achievements, I felt that something was amiss. Just when you think you know it all, something comes along and changes everything. A lot of people make the faux pas of being overconfident or thinking they are too comfortable to be lacking. Randy Luistro Kaye is a great wife, a caring partner and a close friend to me. But the woman in her was craving to cherish someone borne out of our love – our union as husband and wife. Someone whom we could show our unconditional love and be loved in the most unique way. Somehow, I wasn’t ready to become a mom. I had several emotional baggages to deal with first. Guilt and Emotional Trauma In 1995, my mom went into surgery to remove a suspicious tumor from her right armpit. Later, the doctor confirmed a horrible truth. My mom had non- Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes, and one of the most aggressive forms of cancer. The next five years became a vicious body-draining and spirit-sucking road to our own Calvary. A barrage of life-changing medical interventions left the family grasping for air on a moment-to moment basis. Kaye’s Pamangkin Since Tita Chey’s daddy died when she was still very young, she had to be strong on the outside because she was Lola Mameng’s sole companion through the whole ordeal. But deep inside, the incredulous fear left her shaking and trembling like a rag doll. Her mom died in 2001. Kaye’s Pamangkin (in Tagalog) Dahil nga po namatay yung daddy ni Tita Chey nuong batang-bata pa po siya, kinailangang po niyang maging matatag para kay Lola Mameng. Sila na lang po kas yung magkasama at sila na lang po ang puwedeng magpalakasan ng loob. Pero, hindi ko pa alam na nanginginig sa takot si Tita Chey sa bawat pagkakataon na iniisip po niya ang kalagayan ni Lola Mameng. Nuong 2001, hindi na po nakayanan ni Lola Mameng yung sakit niya. Namatay po siya at naiwan po si Tita Chey na walang mommy. Losing someone you love is never easy. It took me a long time to really recover. Not only from the pain, but more from the guilt of not having the chance to exhaust other possible means to save my mom. I wanted to give more of myself to my mom as her only daughter – her only child. Randy Luistro For the next several months, I would see my wife all curled up, crying on her mom’s bed – the very same bed where she died. I didn’t know what to do. So, I just let her cry in my arms until she fell asleep in exhaustion. This happened day after day, night after night. My mental anguish was so strong I literally felt my mind would have just snapped anytime. Daily talks with my husband, prayers and meditations on the Book of Psalms healed me bit by bit. I finally broke free from the reins of depression, a year later. Overcoming Fears Looking back, I realized that it was the pain from losing someone I dearly loved that stopped me from pursuing motherhood. I didn’t want to go through with something as painful like that again. But of course, that’s only wishful thinking. Another thing that really scared me was the pain associated with childbirth, not to mention the hormonal changes when you’re expecting. I literally didn’t want to lose control over my own body! Ruth Dizon I told her that she’ll forget the pain once she sees her baby’s face, much more when you hold him. I was really thankful that Randy never asked for a child in all our thirteen years of marriage. Other husbands might not have been that patient. I wanted to thank him so I asked the Lord for a son. Two months before my 35th birthday, I started praying very seriously about this. Everyday, I woke up at dawn to pray. I opened my prayer time by singing the worship song “The Power of Your Love,” not in English but in Spanish. I felt that the Spanish version brought out the inner urgency in me. First, it was just about having a baby. After all, being childless for thirteen years is already considered infertility. But days passed, and something really incredible happened. My prayer time took a different turn. I was no longer praying for a son. I found myself just singing and singing the song in Spanish in tears and with great reverence. Every lyric spoke to my heart and mind as if Spanish is my native tongue. I also can’t stop William Carey’s quote off my mind either: “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God; for we serve a great God.” I did just that. I simply believed. Without any work-up nor any medical intervention of any kind, sometime in December, I discovered that I was already 7 to 8 weeks pregnant. It was a moment that not only changed my body. It forever transformed the way I saw myself and the world. Redemption Kaye’s Pamangkin When Lance Paul came into our lives, he changed us forever. Kaye’s Pamangkin (in Tagalog) Nuong dumating po si Lance Paul sa buhay ni Tita Chey at Tito Randy, grabe! Nabago po talaga ang buhay nila! I've never realized that having a baby would make me feel more fulfilled than having all my accomplishments combined. All the perks associated with my television stint were now inconsequential, compared to holding your baby, cuddling him and seeing him laugh and smile. Randy Luistro Something in her finally made sense. Having Lance Paul in our lives completes her not just as a woman but as a person. Loving my child has finally brought me an opportunity to erase the guilt I felt when my mother died. I can now give myself away to love my child in the same way my mother offered her life for me when I was born into this world. Being a mother has brought me redemption. My transformation to a career woman and working wife into a mother has dramatically changed my life. I guess I've become more selfless in a way. All those sleep and food deprived days made me feel that I was no longer living for myself, but for another person. Although he takes up most of my time, I would not want it any other way. Right now, my baby has become the most important part of my life. I have given up my dreams for radio and television and have opted to work home-based. Thanks to the loving support of my husband, I've started as an internet voiceover artist, operating from a home digital studio in Quezon City. This way, I will still have the chance to see my son grow up to be the person God envisioned him to be. There's really nothing wrong with other moms pursuing their careers. I just feel that this is the right path for me to take. I've decided to follow this conviction and now, I'm reaping the fruits of my labor, one day at a time. Being a mother is something I thought I never wanted. But now realized I couldn’t live without. I could die tomorrow and feel completely fulfilled as a as a human being. The Joy of Transformation I was watching Oprah one night and she was giving tribute to moms all over the world. One mother said that once you become a mother, you can never go back to your previous life of just focusing on yourself. I guess she's right. One time, I was in the mall. My husband and baby were not with me. Instead of feeling free and ecstatic since I can go anywhere without carrying a 30 pound baby and an extremely huge and heavy bag filled with my baby's diapers, bottles and what have you, I felt sad! I wished that they were with me, especially my baby, who smiles whenever he sees lights, babies, and food from just about anywhere. I can truly say that the life I have now, although extremely difficult, has produced some of my most treasured memories! So, what makes me a fulfilled woman? I think Sushmita Sen, Miss Universe 1994, said it best – “Being a woman is a gift of God [that] we all must appreciate. The origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman. A woman is one who shares love and who shares and shows a man what love, caring and sharing is all about.” That, for me, is the essence of being a woman. Everyone in this world wants a long life. But I want a happy life. My child has transformed me from being a wife and a woman, into a mother – a giver of life. I can never go back to my previous life. And I will never, ever want to. For my baby has made me the happiest person in the world. My name is Kaye Langit – Luistro, and this has been my journey into the new me.
